Thoughts
by TheRandomFandomGirl
Summary: He thinks about how he could have spared her, and she thinks about how she could have spared him. Mergana, my first fic. WARNING:CHARACTER DEATH
1. Thinking

**AN- Umm, so this is my first fic so please don't be too mean, although I'm willing to hear any constructive comments.**

**I'm a bit of a Mergana shipper. :P**

**I don't own Merlin. Merlin and characters belong to their respective owners.**

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><p>He thought.<p>

Was she still alive, still out there, waiting? They had been friends, Merlin was sure of it... but, when had that changed? Did she regret joining Morgause, abandoning everyone and everything? Abandoning _him._

Merlin could hear Gaius pottering around in the main room. Had she loved him? had he loved her? He shook his head. If he didn't get a move on, Athur would come and for his head. He stood, the King was holding the monthly council with Gwen and the Knights, obviously Merlin had to be there, but still he wondered if, on that fateful day he hadn't poisoned her, or mayby if, earlier he had told her of his secret. Mayby this wouldn't have happened.

And no matter how much he tried to concentrate on what Artur was saying, only one thought dominated his mind, blocking out everything else, making him feel like hell.

_Morgana._


	2. Smirk

**AN-Yes I started this today, but I hated how I made it TOO SHORT! T.T Gah, this is short too, but it's better. I have a vague idea what may happen soon, it depends on whether people actually like this. So, to continue I have to know whether people like it. to know if people like it, they need to reveiw. Therefore if people want a continuation, they must reveiw. I even mentioned drunk Gwaine for you. :)**

**I'm going to add this each chapter to be safe, I don't own Merlin. Whoever owns it does, and that's not me,. It's BBC and Shine.**

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><p>"MERLIN!"<p>

At the sound, Merlin jumped, slipped over, and looked into the angry face of Arthur Pendragon, who sighed at the clumsiness of his ridiculous servant.

"Umm, sorry?" Merlin had been so caught up in his thoughts of Morgana, that he didn't even know what the meeting was about. Well, it wasn't like they were going to quiz him on it.

Arthur straightened. "Anyways, ignoring my useless servant here, back to the matter at hand. Due to...erm, well, recent events..." Merlin gave a faint whisper of a smile, Arthur still found it all so hard to belive, he always would find it his weak spot, no matter what. in a way, merlin found it comforting, to know that, he wasn't alone in thinking about her.

As the young warlock lay in bed that night, he, well he just lay there, the words and images repeating themselves. Over and over and over again.

_Morgana. His first sight of the beautiful princess._

_Morgana. Her kindness in helping the druid boy._

_Morgana. The helplessness of her nightmares_

_Morgana. He first realises her betrayal_

_Morgana. Poison_

_Morgana. Revealing herself and taking over Camelot_

_Morgana. The formorra. Morgana. Fear of Emrys. Morgana. Taking power again. Morgana. Kiling her. Mor- _NO!

Because he knew. _He knew. _She wasn't dead. He could feel it in his gut. Gnawing at his insides. The pain of guilt rocked him into an uneasy sleep in which he moaned, for the memories, those horrible memories were too much to bear.

And when he awoke, it wasn't to Gaius' grumpy, yet loving wake up call. Nor was it to Arthur's moody shouts. It wasn't even to the loud bangs in the middle of the night that meant a drunken Gwaine for sure. When he looked up he saw a disturbingly familiar expression, tthe eyes of which were too tender to be on that face.

A smirk.

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><p><strong>Ok see, that wasn't so bad... I suppose...mayby...I guess...perhaps...<strong>


	3. And He Followed

**AN-Well here we go . It's about 10 o'clock but... yeah. So I think this will be 5 chapters as I've actually planned. NOOOO! Yeah. So. I managed to to a bit of Morgana here, I wasn't planning on doing her POV but it kinda ended up that way. It also ended up longer, MWAHAHAHAHAAA! This started really hard to write, but I wanted to write it so badly. Luckily, in the end, it became easier as it went along.**

**A huge thanks to kissfromarose2 and La La Looney for a reveiw and favourates. It truly is amazing to think that someone really reads this.**

**I don't own Merlin**

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><p>Merlin gasped and clumsily rolled off his bed. The witches face had now turned to horror as she now ran for the door. Merlin regained his senses.<p>

"Wait, Morgana!"

But she didn't stop.

Merlin tried to follow her, but he was still dazed and staggered to the door.

Gaius stirred in his sleep. Should Merlin go? He didn't have time to write a note. Ah well, Merlin had gone missing plenty of times before, usually on a mission to save Arthur, Camelot and/or Albion. So Merlin followed.

When he reached the courtyard, he looked around blinking. He had been too slow. He turned back in to bed, confused.

The next night, she returned.

And he was ready.

And he followed.

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><p>Morgana came back to her disgusting home, if you could call it that. It was more of a hovel, and that was being nice.<p>

She sighed.

Last night, he had caught her. She escaped, and hopefully he would think it was just a dream. A nightmare. Did Merlin get nightmares? He was so _cheerful. _

That word echoed in her head.

_Hope._

When he looked at her, she did not see hatred, which was what she expected. Which she dreaded.

She saw merely confusion.

Morgana grunted. It was fairly logical she supposed. She had given him good reason to believe that she hated him. Why shouldn't he think that? after all she had tried to kill him on multiple occasions. And yet he had woken up to her in his room. If he knew that it wasn't a dream he would think it a plot. Alright.

Her mind turned again to the expression bearing no didn't he hate her? Well she had no proof that he didn't an-

"Morgana"

That familiar voice.

That she lov-

No.

Because it couldn't be him.

It couldn't.

He had no reason to be here.

Unless she had been caught again.

She swore under her breath.

_Of course she'd been caught._

_Merlin wasn't that stupid._

Nomatter how hard he pretended.

And now what would she say.

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><p><strong>Yay thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. To find out whether you did enjoy it I must read your wonderful revews that shall soon come into existness I'm sure. :3<strong>


	4. He Spoke, And It All Stopped

**AN- Penultimate chapter here. This is the first chapter I've not written all at once, so I do apoligise if the flow is not quite right. Big confrontation time now as well as a magic reveal to Morgana. I noticed that she has very little control over her magic compared to Merlin, even now. I'm very sorry but in an earlier chapter I lost the main plotline, therefore, to save this story, I had to make Merlin die, as I didn't know what else to do. This chapter is a lot longer, and near the end the paragraphs get longer as well. Thanks to my lovely reveiwers/alerts you guys are awsomely awesome. **

**I don't own Merlin. At all. Unfortunately.**

**WARNING- MAIN CHARACTER DEATH AHEAD!**

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><p>He spoke.<p>

"Morgana"

The woman in question wipped around, startled. After attempting what appeared to be a respectable evil pose, she broke down into tears and sat on the bed.

"Morgana?" He repeated himself.

"Please, just... go away." She stood, trembling.

"I-I can't do that, what were you doing in Camelot?"

_In my room... _He thought about adding.

"I can't- just..." She was clearly confused. "Is it possible to love someone you hate?" The words stuck in her throat, and a wave of nausea swept through her.

"I don't know." His words were quiet. Barely audiable. But she knew what they were.

"I need you to do somthing for me... please...I-I need you to-" She broke off and took a deep breath. "I need you to do something, say something that will make me leave you alone. Hate you." Seeing the distress in his eyes, she continued, "Please. It's for you. See? For Arthur. He wouldn't understand. For Gwen. She'd be devastated in having to chose whether to believe you or him. For me." She took a breath.

Merlin thought. As much as he hated it, he had to. He could tell her, show her _that, _but-. No. How could he even think about telling her the one secret he guarded with his life.

He thought.

But it always came back to the same thing.

The thing that would anger her the most.

That he could have helped her.

_Stopped this._

"Morgana. I'm sorry" he closed his eyes, unwanting to see her face.

_"__Fromum feohgiftum on fæder bearme. Fromum feohgiftum."_

A blue silvery orb apeared in the young mans hand, floating slightly in the air. He didn't dare look.

"Merlin"

He peered at the witch. A range of emotions passed through her face. First confusion. Then bewilderment. After came shock. She then appeared to be fighting the urge to cry. To break into a million peices. Then...

_Rage._

He didn't blame her. He couldn't. It was his fault she was living in a lump of mud, despised by everyone she had ever known. His fault. He just wished he had told her. Because although he knew why there were flames in her eyes, he wished there weren't.

"Why. No don't answer that, I _know_ why. It's because you, Merlin, are a coward. A lying, nasty, poisoning coward. Well you got one thing right. I do hate you now, and I shall never forgive you for this. Not helping me when you knew better than anyone what I was going through!" She was angry. Furious. Not even that. There were no words to describe what emotions were passing through her face and words.

"Mor-" Merlin was cut off. Gaius had said, that somtimes, when a powerful witch or warlock's emotions got out of control, their magic bursts out of control, reflecting their mood. Of course needless to say, that was happening now.

A magical whirlwind swept around. It seemed that Morgana didn't even know what she was doing. She carried on yelling, eyes clamped tightly shut.

"HOW COULD YOU! W-WE WERE FRIENDS. AND I WAS SCARED. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED. AND YOU JUST LEFT ME TO ROT!"

"MORGANA, STOP!"

As she stopped shouting, her magic did too, and all the items that had been swept up crashed to the ground. She looked up through tear-stained eyes.

"Go. Go and I will not forget this. I will never forget, and never forgive. Here is your warning." Morgana spoke, and Merlin was momentarily reminded of a few years back, when Mordred said the exact same words to him. However, as Morgana spoke, a sphere of energy, fire, wind and odd bits of things in the room began to form. It was powerful, but uncontrollable.

He saw Morgana's horrified look, as she discovered that she couldn't control it. Then the sphere rushed towards him.

And it all stopped.

As did his breath.

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><p><strong>There you go! Please reveiw!<strong>


	5. Two Dragons

**Yay! Last chapter! It's a bit short, but thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for not updating... :( Anyways, I've got some new fics up now, so it would be great if you checked them out, though you don't have to.**

**Disclaimer: I think it's fairly obvious, but I don't own Merlin.**

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><p>Arthur bit his lip, he would not break. He couldn't. The young King walked up to the pyre and spoke his few words, though he didn't know what he was saying. Nor did anyone else, his voice was barely above a whisper.<p>

Gwen was there.

Gaius was there.

The Knights were there.

Everybody was there.

Everybody.

But they didn't notice someone else there. Hiding. Morgana watched as the funeral taking place with tears in her eyes.

After that incident, she run into the forest, not knowing where she was going. When she came across Arthur and his Knights who were looking for Merlin, she'd carried on running. Arthur, Leon, and Percival had followed her, whilst Gwaine and Elyan followed her trail to her hovel, there they had found _him_.

Morgana didn't mind them taking him. A heroes funeral was what he deserved, more than anyone.

She walked away as the pyre was lit.

And in the sky, two dragons flew over the city in respect for the last dragon lord,

Though no one thought anything of it.

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><p><strong>Sorry if that last bit made no sense to you... any way! Please review! Even if you hated it then tell me! Please! XD<strong>


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